Month: February 2003

“‘For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,’ Says the LORD of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously'” (Malachi 2:16).

Popular culture, left unchecked, can have an insidious influence upon the local church. This has always been so. The Corinthians, jaded by a culture of immorality and ungodliness, allowed a sexually immoral person to remain undisciplined. They rightly were admonished by Paul. “Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump” (1 Corinthians 5:6). Paul instructed Titus to sharply rebuke the Christians on the isle of Crete, lest they be influenced to sin by their culture. “One of them, a prophet of their own, said, ‘Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.’ This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith” (Titus 1:12-13).

Popular culture had influenced the Israelite’s treatment of their wives in regard to divorce. In their conversation with Jesus they sought to justify their practice of indiscriminate divorce by saying, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (Matthew 19:7). Jesus rightly distinguished between the concession of Moses, for the purpose of regulating what was an abuse of the women, and what God had intended from the beginning. “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9).

What once was allowed by concession is no longer so under the covenant of Christ. “Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead” (Acts 17:30-31). God has always hated divorce, but under the new covenant of Christ, he no longer tolerates it.

It is interesting to note that the disciples were astonished at Jesus’ teaching. They said, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). Their attitude in this is very similar to that you hear expressed by some Christians today. God’s laws are too harsh! Surely it cannot be! Homer Hailey, in expressing the genesis of his false teaching on the subject of divorce and remarriage indicated his belief that the purpose of the gospel was to include, rather than exclude. As such, he felt that God would not exclude the divorced and remarriage who would come to Him, though they remain in that relationship. Others agree.

It is not surprising that such attitudes would become more pervasive with the passage of time. We too live in a culture that tolerates ungodliness. The call to righteousness is thought by the worldly to be extreme, narrow and unseemly. The order of the day is to tolerate! Tolerate the homosexual, tolerate the pagan, tolerate the promiscuous. The only intolerable action is to be intolerant!

Such an attitude has influenced Christians in our time. It seems that the first issue where this has been seen is that of Divorce and Remarriage. For a number of years false teachers have advocated a broader fellowship of those in adulterous relationships. Many have called for the fellowship both of the sinner, and the errorist who gives him a rationale for his behavior. But, other false doctrines are also being tolerated. Some now are calling for a more understanding treatment of those in institutional or premillinial error, others claim our “hermeneutic” is too radical, and there is a call to equivocate on the literal nature of the Genesis record with regard to the amount of time it took for the work to be done.

Jesus clearly stated the principle of duration with regard to marriage. It can be simply stated as “One man, One Woman, for a Lifetime.” Further, Jesus clearly stated the one exception that would allow for a divorce with His blessing. “Except for sexual immorality.”

Any position that redefines, softens or diminishes this teaching is false. Individuals who take these false positions will always have adherents, for there will always be individuals who think God’s ways to be too harsh, and who desire to follow their own predilections. But, as Job, we must learn to humbly submit to His wisdom and will. “Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said: ‘Who is this who darkens counsel By words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me” (Job 38:1-3). We have no right to question God’s will, our place is to accept it.

Conclusion

Man believes that he may enter into the marriage contract for a season, and break it at his pleasure. While he may indeed have the legal right, God indicates that divorce is not acceptable. “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate“ (Matthew 19:6). Jesus stated that those who divorce do so because of the “hardness of your hearts.” While the stigma of divorce has for the most part left our society, and the legal procedure is easily secured, God nevertheless still hates divorce. As his children, we must reject the world’s influence, and heed His will.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

The Genesis account reveals God’s intention that man “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;…” (Genesis 1:28). The account also reveals that the sexual act is to be between a man and his wife. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Concerning the sexual nature of the husband/wife relationship, the writer of the letter to the Hebrews commented, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (13:4).

Obviously the desire of God is for children to be raised in what has been termed the nuclear family. A family that is intact, with father and mother fulfilling their roles, gives a child an opportunity to be happy and well developed. In this way he can one day take his position as a productive member of society, and a faithful follower of God.

Children who are born out of wedlock, or are the victims of broken homes, do not have the same advantages and opportunities. There is something missing in their upbringing, and it puts them at a grave disadvantage.

Recently Hillary Clinton, the former first lady and current senator from New York, wrote and published a book called It Takes a Village. The title of the book is taken from an old African proverb, and indicates that all members of society need to be involved and concerned about the welfare of our children.

The book mirrors the present societal belief that non-traditional homes can be as effective in raising children as the nuclear family, consisting of father, mother and children. As such, career women are having children out of wedlock, and taking their children to daycare almost as soon as they have been borne. Homosexuals are petitioning for the right to adopt, and are raising their kids to be accepting of their perverted lifestyle. Divorce is rampant in society, and it is the norm rather than the exception for a child to be shuttled from one “home” to another as their parents vie for their affections. In all of this, it is contended that we can effectively raise our kids if we all “work together.” In reality, this attitude toward the family is destructive, and the proof is evident even by a cursory examination of our culture.

At best, the “village” concept can be defended as a desperate attempt at salvaging our children after the damage has been done. It cannot be defended as an equally effective alternative to the home as defined by God.

Children Need Daddy

In Ephesians 6:4, the apostle wrote, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The father is to be the source of discipline in the home. Too often the mother’s efforts to instruct and limit the children are undermined by an absentee or uninvolved father. Children need instruction. As they grow and mature, they need the proper instruction to know what limitations they must respect with regard to God, family, and society. God has given the father that responsibility in the home. Men must not abdicate their place.

The most important lessons a father can teach his children revolve around their responsibilities to God. Israelite parents were told to teach their children God’s will. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

Children Need Mommy

There is no more special love than that of a mother for her children. It is a natural affection, which emanates from the wellsprings of the heart. The prophet Isaiah compares it with the love of God, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you” (49:15).

A child must have the foundation of his mother’s love. It enables him to face a cruel and dangerous world. That love must be reinforced daily by word and deed. Mothers who give their children to a daycare, or even to grandparents to raise do a great disservice to their children. We have too many families concerned with giving their children the latest video games, the largest homes, and the finest clothes, and not enough mothers and fathers who recognize that they can best help their children by giving themselves! Mother’s, your child needs you!

Conclusion

God gives the child instructions to “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). His willingness and ability to do this depends much upon the faithfulness of mom and dad, as they seek to raise him in the “training and admonition of the Lord” (cf. 6:4). As the wise man said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). No, it doesn’t take “a village” to raise a child, it takes a mom and dad!

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).

“And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-24).

These two verses show that men and women were created by God. Further, the relationship that resulted from the creation of the two genders is likewise instituted by God. Jesus said, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

The institution of marriage is under direct attack in our time. The sanctity and duration of the relationship is not recognized. The nature of marriage, a joining of a man and woman for a lifetime, is being redefined in some quarters. The role and responsibilities of the man and the woman are being redefined, distorted and confused. Children are often raised without proper instruction and guidance. The damage being done to this social institution is having a direct and deleterious effect upon the welfare of our nation.

The last 50 years have seen marked increases in juvenile delinquency, discipline problems in the schools, crime, sexual diseases, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, drug use and a dependence upon the government in what has become a welfare state.

In response to these problems, Americans have turned to the government, with largely unsuccessful and unsatisfying results. Taxes have increased, but the programs have had little effect as the problems continue to grow. It has gotten to the point that many have changed strategy, and now do not expect to find any solutions to society’s problems. Rather, they claim such misery is inevitable, and simply ask the government to doctor the “symptoms”, believing a cure to be impossible.

So, teachers have become wardens rather than instructors, governmental programs have been started to give away sexual prophylactics because ‘they’re going to do it anyway.” Sterile needles and a movement to legalize marijuana is the mantra of surrender in the “war against drugs.” Midnight basketball is found in the inner cities in an attempt to keep at least some kids away from crime and drugs. Though children must have parental consent to get a tooth pulled, a young girl can go to an abortion clinic and murder her unborn baby, while the government protects her “privacy” even from her own parents.

What is obvious in all of this is that the government does not have the answer, and our society must look elsewhere to find the cure for what ails us. The problem is not that a cure is not available, it is that families are not willing to take the “medicine” that God provides.

The Christian Home

A stark contrast can be seen between such troubled homes and those that are following the pattern supplied by God in his will. There are families which exist where the man is the head of the home, his wife is a homemaker, and the children are obedient and in subjection to their parents. The fact that these homes exist shows that it is possible to avoid the societal problems that are the rule in our time. The family must simply be willing to follow God’s plan rather than the wisdom of men.

The key in all of this is the decision a family must make to put God first. This decision most often comes from the head of the home, the man. The godly man will say as Joshua did, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). But, even in cases where the man is not the spiritual head he should be, the wife still has the responsibility to influence her children in godliness and virtue. In so doing, Peter taught that the possibility exists for her husband to become obedient due to her righteous example. “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Regardless, a husband cannot be a good husband unless he is a faithful, dedicated Christian. Some may object to this assessment, but it is true. God demands that the man be the spiritual head. If he is not, he is abdicating his place with regard to the single most important responsibility he has to his family. Likewise the woman has to be spiritually minded. Her submission to her husband, and her daily instructions to her children are perhaps the single most important ingredient to a righteous home. Finally, children must be obedient to God first. Paul said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Proper allegiance to parents is inextricably tied to allegiance to God.

God First

As in all other relationships, God has to be first in the home. Our very purpose in life is to serve him, and we cannot be truly successful in any area unless we are righteous before him. This is the solution to our problems. If God is first in the home, the societal problems we see now will go away. “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man’s all” (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

Since the relationship between an husband and wife is a partnership, it is not surprising that many of the responsibilities each have may be identical. For example, just as the husband is to be selfless, affectionate and kind to his wife, the wife should be the same to her husband.

Paul told Titus in Titus 2:1-10 to give instructions to certain of the brethren in the church. To the older women he charged a responsibility to teach the younger women. They were to admonish them to “love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (vs. 4-5). This verse can be used as a template for discussing certain responsibilities peculiar to the wife.

The Godly Wife

The woman who is pleasing God with regard to her familial obligations is characterized by several important attributes.

Love (Philandros, Philoteknos). The love that is enjoined upon the wife by the apostle here is a different kind of love than that mentioned in Ephesians 5 as the man’s responsibility to his wife. Where that love (agape) had no specific reference to affection, and dealt with the responsibility of the man to treat his wife correctly, in this text affection is the primary thrust. The woman should have an affectionate love for her husband and her children.

The term philandros literally means “fond of man”; philoteknos likewise means “fond of children.” This is the only time these terms are found in the New Testament. The key here is the root philos, which indicates fondness or friendliness, and has reference to the tender feelings that a woman is to have toward her husband and children. The happiness a wife can bring to her home with such tenderness is so important in the lifetime commitment of marriage.

Below is a poem written by an elderly man as he looks back upon the tender love he received from his wife in their life together.

Embers

Warm by the fading embers of my dreams,
Which lived as lively fires long ago.
Still they comfort as though kindled yesterday,
I stir them gently, ever gently in my heart.

You are part of every ember which still warms,
And your glow is how I live from day to day.
I close my eyes and gently then I see,
All the years and years of embers warming me.

I carefully tend my thoughts of what has been,
They are but a feel of the life I’ve yet to know.
You have warmed my life and spirit constantly,
I’ve been gifted by your love surrounding me.

Roger E. Honzik

The final line of the poem is especially suitable for our study. “You have warmed my life and spirit constantly, I’ve been gifted by your love surrounding me.” This is the type of love a wife should have for her husband.

• Discreet and Chaste. The term discreet is a slightly different form of the same term found in verse four when the older women are told to admonish the younger women to be “sober”. Being discreet, or sober, indicates a woman who is in control of her emotions and actions. She has a sound mind, and is not given to excess. She will not embarrass her family.

• Chaste (hagnos) is defined by Vines’ as “pure from carnality, modest.” Happy is the man whose attraction to his wife is primarily to her character and personality rather than her physical attributes. A person’s looks have nothing to do with their character and righteousness. A godly woman is one who influences her husband by “your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward; arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel; rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:2-4).

• Homemakers. It is an unfortunate aspect of our society that a woman whose primary work is making a home is looked upon as less valuable or accomplished. This is completely untrue. While it is true that a woman can work outside of the home (see Proverbs 31), no woman can do so righteously if she neglects her home. Too often this is happening, even in the church. All women must understand that if they are entering into a marriage relationship, it will be their responsibility to be the homemaker. The work is given them by God.

• Good. Actually, the term is more accurately rendered “kind”. There is an old saying that you find from time to time on refrigerator magnets and the like. “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” It is the wife who is the emotional control in the home. If she is kind to her husband and children, the home will happy. A strident, sharp tongued woman can cause tremendous distress. “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Proverbs 25:24).

Conclusion

A wife has much incentive to be the type of woman described above. She will please her God by having this character. Too, this type of woman is loved by her family. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all'” (Proverbs 31:28-29).

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