“A lying tongue hates those who are crushed by it, and a flattering mouth works ruin” (Proverbs 26:28).
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6).
Flattery, as seen by the texts above, is not a positive attribute. The idea is that flattering words are used to gain an advantage. They are not sincere. They can’t be trusted. Flattery comes from a “lying tongue.” When one who is your “enemy” seeks to curry your favor or flatter, they do not have your best interests at heart.
So, it is important to make a distinction between flattery and praise. In contrast to the verses above, Solomon had this to say in Proverbs 3:27, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so.” Whatever the good may be, provision or praise, it is good to give to those who are worthy.
Paul understood this truth, and was quick to offer praise to his brethren in Christ. The difference between Paul’s praise, and the flattery that comes from false lips, is that such praise was deserved, and uplifting. Consider Paul’s words in his short letter to Philemon.
First, he commended Philemon for his “love and faith” which he showed to both the Lord, and all the saints (5). He stated, “the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother” (7).
Next, he made an appeal to Philemon’s good nature, that he would receive Onesimus (an escaped slave belonging to Philemon, who Paul had converted). Paul acknowledged that Philemon had ownership, and could do what he willed with Onesimus, so Paul “wanted to do nothing” without Philemon’s consent (14).
He then expressed “confidence in your obedience… knowing that you will do even more than I say” (21).
So, Paul here praised Philemon, in the hope that such a pleasant approach would accomplish its purpose; to protect Onesimus, and procure him for Paul’s ministry. No doubt it worked. Why? First, because the praise was sincere. Second, because there was a true friendship that had been cultivated between them. Third, because Philemon’s faith and love were such to ensure his agreement.
What was the difference between Paul’s praise, and the ungodly flattery of evil men? What Paul said was true, and what the flatterers say often is not. What Paul said was to fulfill a need for the Lord, and what flatterers say is for their own advantage. What Paul said came from a position of true friendship and fraternity, and what flatterers say come from a position of falsehood and ignoble motives.
Always praise others, but never be guilty of flattery!
