Paul’s letter to Philemon is an interesting example of proper diplomacy in accomplishing a desired response in another. There is not doubt that Paul was trying to get Philemon to respond to his plea for Onesimus positively, some may say using flattery and other forms of manipulation. This, I think is unwarranted.
The Bible concept of flattery is praise that is insincere for false. For example, “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet” (Proverbs 29:5). This means he is attempting to trap, or cause another to stumble.
This was neither Paul’s method nor motivation. First, Paul was sincere. Philemon was truly a good man worthy of praise. Sincere praise is an encouragement the recipient, and there are many examples of such in the Bible. Think, for example, of “Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement)” ( Acts 4:36).
It is also true that Paul’s request of Philemon to receive back his escaped slave Onesimus with love and understanding was also a righteous request, one that Paul had no doubt Philemon would honor (21). Onesimus had been converted by Paul (10), and was willingly returning to his master Philemon. He was now a brother in Christ, and it was appropriate to treat him as Philemon would any other Christian.
It is good to praise others. It is also acceptable to make righteous requests, especially when you are interceding for someone else. What Paul did was defensible and a good example for us to follow!
