Through examples and commands, the Lord supplies a pattern for the family. The roles, dynamics and structure of the family are given. Consider the following:
God established the institution of marriage from the beginning. In introducing Eve as a companion to Adam, the text records, “Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man” (Genesis 3:22). Note God’s intent, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). We then consider our Lord’s divine commentary on the text in Genesis when He said in Matthew 19:4-6, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female,’ and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God’s design of marriage gives protection to both spouses, especially the woman. It brings the joy of intimate companionship designed precisely by God to give each spouse what they need. It also gives protection and guidance to children who are vulnerable as they develop. Societal problems result when children are not raised in this God designed, protective and nurturing institution. Some may remember the book “It Takes A Village” to raise a child. This is inaccurate. For a child to receive maximum benefits, it takes a God fearing home with both parents!
Having noted the precious husband/wife relationship with the companionship and love that God intended consider for a few moments the different obligations emphasized for each spouse in scripture. God’s design is patriarchal in nature. Both by example (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, etc.) and by command, God has given headship to the husband. Note Paul’s words, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). He of course requires that headship be accomplished to benefit all. As such the preeminent responsibility of the man is to love his wife. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
In contrast, seeing the headship of the husband, the wife’s call is to submit. “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24). This submission is not an indication of her being lesser in any way. She has a soul and equal standing before God (cf. Galatians 3:28). However this structure is Divinely ordained, and should be respected by both the husband and wife. “As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror” (1 Peter 3:6).
As it pertains to children, the father’s headship comes with the responsibility of instruction. “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). This is a most serious obligation, and it must not be shirked. More than social or educational priorities, the father’s duty is to raise up a child who fears God. Note that God places this responsibility to the father, not the mother. While the mother’s instructions, teaching and example are themselves needed and extremely beneficial, it is the father who is held accountable by the Lord. It is his duty primarily.
The emphasis given to mother’s is love. Consider Paul’s words to Titus, that the young women are to “love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). Again, the duty of a homemaker and a nurturer of her family is one that must not be shirked. The Bible shows women observed in commerce and outside interests (cf. Proverbs 31), but her duties toward her husband and children come first.
As parents are striving to educate and protect their children, it is incumbent upon the child to receive their efforts with humility and obedience. Paul’s words about the child are interesting: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth’” (Ephesians 6:1-3). Remember that the promise its from God. It indicates that the care and instruction a child receives from their parents will help to equip them for a successful life here on earth. And of course spiritual instruction, if heeded, will bring eternal blessings from God.
These thoughts could be greatly expanded, but a final thought to share is the importance of love in the family. The headship of the husband/father becomes despotic without love. The submission of the wife is easily shirked if love is not present. The same thing is true of the parent/child relationship. Discipline without love can lead to outright abuse. Expectations become oppressive and unfair. Remember, fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath. Remember that children (and wives) are vulnerable as those who are called to submit in the home. God requires love so that this vulnerability will never be exploited. Rather there is protection and care that benefits all.
God’s plan is best. Mankind does not commonly see the wisdom of it, and therefore the home, societies, nations all suffer. May we as Christians submit to Him in all things!
