Category: Reflections Articles

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
(Article 8 of Series)

When error is taught religiously, history shows people to be divided into one of three groups. First, there are those who advocate the error. Second, there are those who combat the error. And, finally, there are those who seek to minimize the differences, thus compromising with the error. Issues in the past 150 years have shown this to be true with the battles over the instrument in worship, and with the institutional issues that troubled brethren in the middle of the last century. Continue reading “Fellowship and Controversy” →

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
(Article 6 in Series)

To define the “mental divorce” position, we refer to both formal propositions, and a common scenario. First, the proposition, which some who advocate the position have signed:

The scriptures teach that the innocent person (free of fornication) who has been put away without God’s or his/her approval and against whom adultery has been committed may remarry.

Next, the scenario, which establishes the contention in plain language:

When Jack puts away Jill for a reason other than fornication, though he obtains a civil divorce, they are not really divorced. It is called divorce only “accomodatively”. If Jack then remarries another woman, he is guilty of adultery. So, he can now be mentally put away by Jill. This is the real divorce. Now, Jill is free to remarry.

Both the above proposition and the scenario is used by Donnie Rader in his book, Divorce and Remarriage: What Does the Text Say, page 74. Rader states, “Actually this is an effort by some to justify remarriage following an unlawful divorce.”
Rader’s assessment of the position is accurate, and the mental divorce position is not defensible from scripture. Continue reading “Mental Divorce” →

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
(Article 5 of Series)

Sophistry is defined by Webster as “deceptively subtle reasoning or argumentation”. That which is sophistic is “plausible but fallacious”. Another term used for fallacious reasoning or argumentation is specious. Webster defines specious as, “having a false look of truth or genuineness”. Continue reading “Defining and Redefining Adultery” →

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
(Article 4 of Series)

There are myriad positions taken regarding who has the right to divorce and remarry. Most of these positions do violence to the rule established in this series, one man, one woman, for a lifetime. It may be an attempt to bring in more “exceptions” in addition to the one specified by Jesus in Matthew 19:9, fornication. It may be speculation regarding what happens after the bond is broken. It may be a blatant denial of plain teaching. One of these positions contends that while the rule is valid, it applies only to those who are Christians. Continue reading “Are Non-Christians Amenable to Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage?” →

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
(Article 7 of Series)

In the January 2001 issue of Watchman Magazine 1, Terence Sheridan and Harry Osborne debated the following proposition under the heading, “Biblical Putting Away.”

The scriptures teach that biblical putting away is synonymous with the civil procedure for divorce in one’s respective society and that the innocent one must secure that civil divorce in order to have a right to remarry.

Sheridan affirmed the proposition, while Osborne denied it. Continue reading “A Race to the Courthouse” →

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
(Article 3 in Series)

(1 Corinthians 7)

In establishing the Lord’s law regarding marriage, (one man, one woman, for a lifetime), and noting the one exception to that law (fornication), the question is sometimes asked, “What about what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:15?”

The verse reads, “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.” Some have taken this to be a privilege granted by Paul to the Christian to remarry if she (or he) is deserted by her/his unbelieving mate. The “Pauline Privilege” has been added to the Lord’s “exception” of Matthew 19:9 as another just reason for divorce and remarriage. Continue reading “Paul’s Instructions Regarding Marriage” →

Let None Deal Treacherously
An examination of God’s Law (and the error of men) on the subject of Marriage, Divorce & Remarriage
(Article 2 of Series)

The Bible clearly states that marriage is a lifetime commitment. When a man marries a woman, they “become one flesh”, and Jesus said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). Further, Paul wrote, “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband” (Romans 7:2). Obviously, God considers marriage to be a lifetime commitment, the contract of marriage ending only at the death of a spouse. Continue reading “The Exception to the Rule: Fornication” →

Even a casual observer can see that the society in which we live has a cavalier attitude toward the marriage bond. Marriages are entered into, and dissolved, with alarming frequency. Recently, the National Center for Health released a report which found that 43% of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years. Continue reading “The Rule: One Man, One Woman, for a lifetime” →

On several occasions the apostle Paul used the Greek athletic games to illustrate the need for zeal in the Christian life. Paul wrote to the Corinthians,

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).

The word temperate here comes from the Greek word egkrateuomai and is used in the New Testament only here and in 1 Corinthians 7:9. In that passage it has reference to sexual chastity, and here refers to the training and self-denial that was a part of the 10-month training process of the Greek athlete. It literally means, to exercise self-restraint (in diet and chastity), (Strongs).

Thayer says the word means, to be self-controlled, continent… in a figure drawn from athletes, who in preparing themselves for the games abstained from unwholesome food, wine, and sexual indulgence.

Notice the following quotes concerning the athlete’s training, from ancient sources, taken from Wuest’s Bypaths in the Greek New Testament, pages 53-54.

Thou must be orderly, living on spare food; abstain from confections; make a point of exercising at the appointed time, in heat and in cold; nor drink cold water or wine at hazard. (Epictetus)

The youth who would win the race hath borne and done much, he hath sweat and hath been cold: he hath abstained from love and wine. (Horace)

They are constrained, harassed, wearied. (Tertullian, commending the example of the Greek athlete to Christians).

As Wuest states, “If we Christians would exercise as much care and self-denial, and rigidly hold to a life of separation as did the Greek athlete, what powerful, successful, God-glorifying lives we would live. Illustrations such as these were not lost upon Paul’s Greek readers” (pg. 54, ibid).

Paul here points out a contrast between the motivation of the athlete and that of the Christian. He writes, “Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown.” The perishable crown referred to here was called a chaplet. It was a woven crown of oak leaves, and was the sole prize given to the athlete. Consider how much time and effort, how much discipline and self-denial the athlete invested in order to attain such a small reward. Next, consider the value of the crown supplied to the victorious child of God!

At the end of his life, Paul talked about the crown that had been reserved for him. He wrote, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing” (2 Timothy 4:7-8). No doubt during the difficulties of his life, the hope of the crown sustained Paul. He suffered greatly for the cause of His Lord. He endured imprisonment, torture, shipwreck and treachery. He gave up everything he had held dear prior to his conversion. He did it for the Lord, with his eternal destiny in view.

Here he points out that the crown, the object of his life for Christ, was available not only to him, but to all who seek the Lord. But, it takes dedication and zeal. Going back to his message to the Corinthians, Paul wrote in verse 24, “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it.” This does not indicate that only one Christian will actually get the crown of life; rather it indicates the type of zeal we must have to be acceptable to God.

The Christian race is not a “fun run.” We should not approach it as a hobby, something to do on a sunny day. Rather, it should be to us as competition is to the Olympic athlete. We must give ourselves to it totally, and deny all else that we may obtain the victory in Christ.

The Hebrew writer likewise refers to the Christian life as a race, and establishes the focus we must have in our efforts. “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2). We must set aside any encumbrance, and run the race with a narrow focus. In our lives, we must constantly look to Jesus. We must always consider the eternal reward of His presence, and never grow weary in the progress we make toward that goal.

I may not have the skill of the Olympic athlete, but I can have the zeal and focus to obtain the imperishable crown which God has reserved for those “who have loved His appearing.”

“‘For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,’ Says the LORD of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously'” (Malachi 2:16).

Popular culture, left unchecked, can have an insidious influence upon the local church. This has always been so. The Corinthians, jaded by a culture of immorality and ungodliness, allowed a sexually immoral person to remain undisciplined. They rightly were admonished by Paul. “Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump” (1 Corinthians 5:6). Paul instructed Titus to sharply rebuke the Christians on the isle of Crete, lest they be influenced to sin by their culture. “One of them, a prophet of their own, said, ‘Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.’ This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith” (Titus 1:12-13).

Popular culture had influenced the Israelite’s treatment of their wives in regard to divorce. In their conversation with Jesus they sought to justify their practice of indiscriminate divorce by saying, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (Matthew 19:7). Jesus rightly distinguished between the concession of Moses, for the purpose of regulating what was an abuse of the women, and what God had intended from the beginning. “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9).

What once was allowed by concession is no longer so under the covenant of Christ. “Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent, because He has appointed a day on which He will judge the world in righteousness by the Man whom He has ordained. He has given assurance of this to all by raising Him from the dead” (Acts 17:30-31). God has always hated divorce, but under the new covenant of Christ, he no longer tolerates it.

It is interesting to note that the disciples were astonished at Jesus’ teaching. They said, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). Their attitude in this is very similar to that you hear expressed by some Christians today. God’s laws are too harsh! Surely it cannot be! Homer Hailey, in expressing the genesis of his false teaching on the subject of divorce and remarriage indicated his belief that the purpose of the gospel was to include, rather than exclude. As such, he felt that God would not exclude the divorced and remarriage who would come to Him, though they remain in that relationship. Others agree.

It is not surprising that such attitudes would become more pervasive with the passage of time. We too live in a culture that tolerates ungodliness. The call to righteousness is thought by the worldly to be extreme, narrow and unseemly. The order of the day is to tolerate! Tolerate the homosexual, tolerate the pagan, tolerate the promiscuous. The only intolerable action is to be intolerant!

Such an attitude has influenced Christians in our time. It seems that the first issue where this has been seen is that of Divorce and Remarriage. For a number of years false teachers have advocated a broader fellowship of those in adulterous relationships. Many have called for the fellowship both of the sinner, and the errorist who gives him a rationale for his behavior. But, other false doctrines are also being tolerated. Some now are calling for a more understanding treatment of those in institutional or premillinial error, others claim our “hermeneutic” is too radical, and there is a call to equivocate on the literal nature of the Genesis record with regard to the amount of time it took for the work to be done.

Jesus clearly stated the principle of duration with regard to marriage. It can be simply stated as “One man, One Woman, for a Lifetime.” Further, Jesus clearly stated the one exception that would allow for a divorce with His blessing. “Except for sexual immorality.”

Any position that redefines, softens or diminishes this teaching is false. Individuals who take these false positions will always have adherents, for there will always be individuals who think God’s ways to be too harsh, and who desire to follow their own predilections. But, as Job, we must learn to humbly submit to His wisdom and will. “Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said: ‘Who is this who darkens counsel By words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me” (Job 38:1-3). We have no right to question God’s will, our place is to accept it.

Conclusion

Man believes that he may enter into the marriage contract for a season, and break it at his pleasure. While he may indeed have the legal right, God indicates that divorce is not acceptable. “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate“ (Matthew 19:6). Jesus stated that those who divorce do so because of the “hardness of your hearts.” While the stigma of divorce has for the most part left our society, and the legal procedure is easily secured, God nevertheless still hates divorce. As his children, we must reject the world’s influence, and heed His will.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

The Genesis account reveals God’s intention that man “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;…” (Genesis 1:28). The account also reveals that the sexual act is to be between a man and his wife. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Concerning the sexual nature of the husband/wife relationship, the writer of the letter to the Hebrews commented, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (13:4).

Obviously the desire of God is for children to be raised in what has been termed the nuclear family. A family that is intact, with father and mother fulfilling their roles, gives a child an opportunity to be happy and well developed. In this way he can one day take his position as a productive member of society, and a faithful follower of God.

Children who are born out of wedlock, or are the victims of broken homes, do not have the same advantages and opportunities. There is something missing in their upbringing, and it puts them at a grave disadvantage.

Recently Hillary Clinton, the former first lady and current senator from New York, wrote and published a book called It Takes a Village. The title of the book is taken from an old African proverb, and indicates that all members of society need to be involved and concerned about the welfare of our children.

The book mirrors the present societal belief that non-traditional homes can be as effective in raising children as the nuclear family, consisting of father, mother and children. As such, career women are having children out of wedlock, and taking their children to daycare almost as soon as they have been borne. Homosexuals are petitioning for the right to adopt, and are raising their kids to be accepting of their perverted lifestyle. Divorce is rampant in society, and it is the norm rather than the exception for a child to be shuttled from one “home” to another as their parents vie for their affections. In all of this, it is contended that we can effectively raise our kids if we all “work together.” In reality, this attitude toward the family is destructive, and the proof is evident even by a cursory examination of our culture.

At best, the “village” concept can be defended as a desperate attempt at salvaging our children after the damage has been done. It cannot be defended as an equally effective alternative to the home as defined by God.

Children Need Daddy

In Ephesians 6:4, the apostle wrote, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The father is to be the source of discipline in the home. Too often the mother’s efforts to instruct and limit the children are undermined by an absentee or uninvolved father. Children need instruction. As they grow and mature, they need the proper instruction to know what limitations they must respect with regard to God, family, and society. God has given the father that responsibility in the home. Men must not abdicate their place.

The most important lessons a father can teach his children revolve around their responsibilities to God. Israelite parents were told to teach their children God’s will. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

Children Need Mommy

There is no more special love than that of a mother for her children. It is a natural affection, which emanates from the wellsprings of the heart. The prophet Isaiah compares it with the love of God, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you” (49:15).

A child must have the foundation of his mother’s love. It enables him to face a cruel and dangerous world. That love must be reinforced daily by word and deed. Mothers who give their children to a daycare, or even to grandparents to raise do a great disservice to their children. We have too many families concerned with giving their children the latest video games, the largest homes, and the finest clothes, and not enough mothers and fathers who recognize that they can best help their children by giving themselves! Mother’s, your child needs you!

Conclusion

God gives the child instructions to “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). His willingness and ability to do this depends much upon the faithfulness of mom and dad, as they seek to raise him in the “training and admonition of the Lord” (cf. 6:4). As the wise man said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). No, it doesn’t take “a village” to raise a child, it takes a mom and dad!

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).

“And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-24).

These two verses show that men and women were created by God. Further, the relationship that resulted from the creation of the two genders is likewise instituted by God. Jesus said, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

The institution of marriage is under direct attack in our time. The sanctity and duration of the relationship is not recognized. The nature of marriage, a joining of a man and woman for a lifetime, is being redefined in some quarters. The role and responsibilities of the man and the woman are being redefined, distorted and confused. Children are often raised without proper instruction and guidance. The damage being done to this social institution is having a direct and deleterious effect upon the welfare of our nation.

The last 50 years have seen marked increases in juvenile delinquency, discipline problems in the schools, crime, sexual diseases, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, drug use and a dependence upon the government in what has become a welfare state.

In response to these problems, Americans have turned to the government, with largely unsuccessful and unsatisfying results. Taxes have increased, but the programs have had little effect as the problems continue to grow. It has gotten to the point that many have changed strategy, and now do not expect to find any solutions to society’s problems. Rather, they claim such misery is inevitable, and simply ask the government to doctor the “symptoms”, believing a cure to be impossible.

So, teachers have become wardens rather than instructors, governmental programs have been started to give away sexual prophylactics because ‘they’re going to do it anyway.” Sterile needles and a movement to legalize marijuana is the mantra of surrender in the “war against drugs.” Midnight basketball is found in the inner cities in an attempt to keep at least some kids away from crime and drugs. Though children must have parental consent to get a tooth pulled, a young girl can go to an abortion clinic and murder her unborn baby, while the government protects her “privacy” even from her own parents.

What is obvious in all of this is that the government does not have the answer, and our society must look elsewhere to find the cure for what ails us. The problem is not that a cure is not available, it is that families are not willing to take the “medicine” that God provides.

The Christian Home

A stark contrast can be seen between such troubled homes and those that are following the pattern supplied by God in his will. There are families which exist where the man is the head of the home, his wife is a homemaker, and the children are obedient and in subjection to their parents. The fact that these homes exist shows that it is possible to avoid the societal problems that are the rule in our time. The family must simply be willing to follow God’s plan rather than the wisdom of men.

The key in all of this is the decision a family must make to put God first. This decision most often comes from the head of the home, the man. The godly man will say as Joshua did, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). But, even in cases where the man is not the spiritual head he should be, the wife still has the responsibility to influence her children in godliness and virtue. In so doing, Peter taught that the possibility exists for her husband to become obedient due to her righteous example. “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Regardless, a husband cannot be a good husband unless he is a faithful, dedicated Christian. Some may object to this assessment, but it is true. God demands that the man be the spiritual head. If he is not, he is abdicating his place with regard to the single most important responsibility he has to his family. Likewise the woman has to be spiritually minded. Her submission to her husband, and her daily instructions to her children are perhaps the single most important ingredient to a righteous home. Finally, children must be obedient to God first. Paul said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Proper allegiance to parents is inextricably tied to allegiance to God.

God First

As in all other relationships, God has to be first in the home. Our very purpose in life is to serve him, and we cannot be truly successful in any area unless we are righteous before him. This is the solution to our problems. If God is first in the home, the societal problems we see now will go away. “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man’s all” (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

Since the relationship between an husband and wife is a partnership, it is not surprising that many of the responsibilities each have may be identical. For example, just as the husband is to be selfless, affectionate and kind to his wife, the wife should be the same to her husband.

Paul told Titus in Titus 2:1-10 to give instructions to certain of the brethren in the church. To the older women he charged a responsibility to teach the younger women. They were to admonish them to “love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (vs. 4-5). This verse can be used as a template for discussing certain responsibilities peculiar to the wife.

The Godly Wife

The woman who is pleasing God with regard to her familial obligations is characterized by several important attributes.

Love (Philandros, Philoteknos). The love that is enjoined upon the wife by the apostle here is a different kind of love than that mentioned in Ephesians 5 as the man’s responsibility to his wife. Where that love (agape) had no specific reference to affection, and dealt with the responsibility of the man to treat his wife correctly, in this text affection is the primary thrust. The woman should have an affectionate love for her husband and her children.

The term philandros literally means “fond of man”; philoteknos likewise means “fond of children.” This is the only time these terms are found in the New Testament. The key here is the root philos, which indicates fondness or friendliness, and has reference to the tender feelings that a woman is to have toward her husband and children. The happiness a wife can bring to her home with such tenderness is so important in the lifetime commitment of marriage.

Below is a poem written by an elderly man as he looks back upon the tender love he received from his wife in their life together.

Embers

Warm by the fading embers of my dreams,
Which lived as lively fires long ago.
Still they comfort as though kindled yesterday,
I stir them gently, ever gently in my heart.

You are part of every ember which still warms,
And your glow is how I live from day to day.
I close my eyes and gently then I see,
All the years and years of embers warming me.

I carefully tend my thoughts of what has been,
They are but a feel of the life I’ve yet to know.
You have warmed my life and spirit constantly,
I’ve been gifted by your love surrounding me.

Roger E. Honzik

The final line of the poem is especially suitable for our study. “You have warmed my life and spirit constantly, I’ve been gifted by your love surrounding me.” This is the type of love a wife should have for her husband.

• Discreet and Chaste. The term discreet is a slightly different form of the same term found in verse four when the older women are told to admonish the younger women to be “sober”. Being discreet, or sober, indicates a woman who is in control of her emotions and actions. She has a sound mind, and is not given to excess. She will not embarrass her family.

• Chaste (hagnos) is defined by Vines’ as “pure from carnality, modest.” Happy is the man whose attraction to his wife is primarily to her character and personality rather than her physical attributes. A person’s looks have nothing to do with their character and righteousness. A godly woman is one who influences her husband by “your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward; arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel; rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:2-4).

• Homemakers. It is an unfortunate aspect of our society that a woman whose primary work is making a home is looked upon as less valuable or accomplished. This is completely untrue. While it is true that a woman can work outside of the home (see Proverbs 31), no woman can do so righteously if she neglects her home. Too often this is happening, even in the church. All women must understand that if they are entering into a marriage relationship, it will be their responsibility to be the homemaker. The work is given them by God.

• Good. Actually, the term is more accurately rendered “kind”. There is an old saying that you find from time to time on refrigerator magnets and the like. “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” It is the wife who is the emotional control in the home. If she is kind to her husband and children, the home will happy. A strident, sharp tongued woman can cause tremendous distress. “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Proverbs 25:24).

Conclusion

A wife has much incentive to be the type of woman described above. She will please her God by having this character. Too, this type of woman is loved by her family. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all'” (Proverbs 31:28-29).

As Joshua addressed the people on the eve of his death, after they had occupied the promised land, he made a statement which clearly shows the influence of a man as the head of his own house. He said, “And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

Joshua’s proclamation was a challenge to all of Israel, and indicates that a nation’s well being is largely attributable to the leadership of the home. As the head of the home, the primary responsibility of the Husband/Father can be summarized in this way. He determines by the force of his will, his good example, and his love for God and family, that his home will serve God. It can rightly be stated that any man who does not make it his primary goal to have a God fearing and obedient family will fail in his responsibilities to them.

Though the world is not comfortable in expressing the need for the man to head his home in this way, the godly wife will welcome it. She understands her need to submit to her man’s position as head of the home, and welcomes his careful and resolute determination to lead his family in the way of righteousness. “In the way of righteousness is life, And in its pathway there is no death” (Proverbs 12:28).

Regarding the husband’s treatment of his wife, Peter wrote, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). The idea of the understanding and honor due the wife is indicative of her worth to her husband. A husband is to treat her in accord with the moral standard to which God has obligated him. He is to recognize her as physically delicate, and as an equally deserving spiritual being. As such, his behavior toward her is to be gracious and gentle. The abuse, both physical and verbal, that many wives suffer is the shameful behavior of men who are failures in the sight of God.

The Godly Husband

The man who is pleasing God with regard to his familial obligations is characterized by several important attributes.

• Selflessness. The entire concept of love (the agape kind) necessitates selflessness. Love, “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Rather than seeking his own welfare, the godly husband is concerned with the welfare of his wife and children. He is willing to sacrifice that they may prosper, even to the giving of his own life. In fact, the picture of Christ’s sacrifice for the church is the standard to which God calls the man. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her“ (Ephesians 5:25).

• Kindness. The treatment of Ruth by Boaz is a beautiful picture of great kindness. Boaz treated her with great respect and deference when he first met her, and behaved honorably in taking her to be his wife. He was aware of her great sacrifice in staying with Naomi, and said to her, “The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge” (Ruth 2:12). Not only did he take care of her physical needs in allowing her to glean “even among the sheaves”, but he also delighted to take her as his wife, and fulfill his duty as a relative of Judah. Such kindness is to be emulated by the husband to his wife.

• Affection. The Love song between the Beloved and the Shulamite expresses the appropriate affection that a man should have for his wife. The intimacy between them permeates his words to her, “You have ravished my heart, My sister, my spouse; You have ravished my heart With one look of your eyes, With one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love, And the scent of your perfumes Than all spices!” (Song of Solomon 4:9-10). It is significant that the Beloved expresses his love for her. It is not enough to love, the expression of affection is greatly needed by the weaker vessel.

• Courage. Finally, the husband and father must be virtuous! This is the sentiment expressed by Joshua in his address to Israel when he said, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). The ungodliness of the world clamors for compromise and conformity. It takes strong leadership for a family to remain pure in the face of such unrighteousness. The courage of conviction steels the godly husband and father to stand for what is right in the face of opposition. He will not allow his sons to be carried away by false teaching (cf. Titus 2:6-8); he will not allow his daughters to sully their reputation by immodest dress (cf. 1 Timothy 2:9-10); and his headship is not burdensome to his precious wife (cf. Ephesians 5:28-29).

Conclusion

The godly husband puts his family, and especially his wife, before all save God Himself. He especially elevates the needs of his family above his own. His position of authority and headship carries with it the potential for abuse, and he is ever cognizant of his great responsibility before God. He adores his family, but does not let his affection for them cloud his good judgment as he cares and provides for them. May God supply men such as this in all our Christian homes!

Southern Baptists, at their 1998 convention in Salt Lake City, adopted an addition to their statement of faith, which states:

“…A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He has the God-given responsibility to provide for, to protect and to lead his family. A wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”

Those who are familiar with the fifth chapter of Ephesians recognize this statement as a simple paraphrase of the Apostle’s words. Paul wrote, “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (vs. 24-25). What is amazing is the response of many to the adoption of the phrase. It indicates how distorted a view our world has to the concept of submission, and to the marriage relationship as designed by God. Note the following:

Robert Parham, the executive director of the independent Baptist Center for Ethics, said, “They’ve made June Cleaver the Biblical model for motherhood.”

Robert Bock, pastor of the First Christian Church of North Hollywood said that the Baptist passage, “disregards 2,000 years of evolution of faith and the roles people have grown into.”

The Rt. Rev. John Shelby Spong, the Episcopal bishop of Newark, New Jersey, was even more scathing in his appraisal. “The Bible also says the earth is flat, epilepsy is caused by demon possession, slavery is a legitimate institution, women are the property of men and God orders the people of Israel to go to war and kill every man, woman and child from the nation of Amalekite.”

N.O.W. President Patricia Ireland said the resolution could be interpreted to offer “not just an excuse, but a grant of permission” to a man to abuse his wife.

While it is not surprising that Ireland would react as she did, seeing that she is a leader of the feminist movement in our society, it is disturbing to think that individuals who claim to be followers of Christ would be so virulently opposed to the concept of a woman’s submission to her husband. If we reject the concept of submission in the marriage relationship, we are arguing with God rather than man.

A simple reading of Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians (chapter 5) establishes the two most fundamental responsibilities God has given to each individual in marriage. In the remainder of this article, let us consider them briefly.

Husbands, Love Your Wives

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (vs. 25)… “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (vs. 28)… “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself” (vs. 33).

The greek term, agape, which is translated “love” in this text has reference to moral obligation. Though a husband obviously has tender feelings for his wife, the emphasis here is in his treatment of her. No man can claim to be loving his wife if he has not placed her interests before his own. His primary responsibility in the relationship is to actively seek her welfare. His failure in this is the primary reason why women have suffered so much throughout the history of mankind.

Husbands should consider the Apostle Paul’s description of love in his epistle to the Corinthians. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor. 13:4-7). If a man’s treatment of his wife is not the same in type to Christ’s treatment of the church, it cannot be said that he is obeying this command of God.

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (vs. 22-24).

The concept of submission is an important aspect of each facet of a Christian’s life. It characterizes his relationship to his God, his government, his elders, his parents, and even to his relationship with other Christians. “submitting to one another in the fear of God” (cf. Eph. 5:21).

Someone has to be the head of the home, and God has given that position to the husband. He is the head because of creation (cf. 1 Cor. 11:8-10). He is the head, ultimately, because God has given him that place in the home. Christian women have no right to question the place given to them in the home. Their place is not in any way an indication of inferiority, rather it is a simple statement of position. Just as one’s submission to the governing authority does not indicate an inferior person, submission in the home does not indicate inferiority in person (cf. Gal. 3:28-29).

Husbands, love your wives… Wives, submit to your husbands. You must, for your God demands it!