Category: Marriage

(Note: The following article is written by one of the members at West Side, Justin Carrell. I commend it to you. SC)

Matthew 19:3-9

“And the Pharisees came near to him, tempting him, and saying to him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?’ And he answering said to them, ‘Did ye not read, that He who made them, from the beginning a male and a female made them, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and they shall be–the two–for one flesh? So that they are no more two, but one flesh; what therefore God did join together, let no man put asunder.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a roll of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them–‘Moses for your stiffness of heart did suffer you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it hath not been so. ‘And I say to you, that, whoever may put away his wife, if not for fornication, and may marry another, doth commit adultery; and he who did marry her that hath been put away, doth commit adultery.’” (Young’s Literal Translation)

I’ve heard this scripture debated more than any other. We debate baptism with those outside the body, but this we debate without and within. Below are two arguments recently put forward to me, and my response.

Continue reading “Separating What God Has Joined” →

You may not be aware of it, but in pop culture the biggest piece of news is the impending divorce of Jon and Kate Gosselin. The Gosselin family resides in Pennsylvania, and the two with their 8 children (one set of 8 year old twins, and one set of 5 year old sextuplets) are the subject of a very successful reality TV series, Jon and Kate Plus 8.

The series has been on television since January of 2007, and is widely viewed. Until recently the show revolved around the children, and the challenges of raising such a large and young family. However, the Gosselin’s marital problems have dominated reports in the entertainment media, and have been dealt with in the most recent episodes of the television show, which airs on TLC.

Continue reading “In The News: Jon and Kate Plus 8” →

Maine’s governor signed a freshly passed bill Wednesday approving gay marriage, making it the fifth state to approve the practice and moving New England closer to allowing it throughout the region.

New Hampshire legislators were also poised to send a gay marriage bill to their governor, who hasn’t indicated whether he’ll sign it. If he does, Rhode Island would be the region’s sole holdout.

The Maine Senate voted 21-13, with one absent, for a bill that authorizes marriage between any two people rather than between one man and one woman, as state law currently allows. The House had passed the bill Tuesday.

Continue reading “In The News: Maine 5th State to Allow Same Sex Marriage” →

In the Miss USA beauty pageant last week, Miss California made it to the top five, where each contestant was asked a question by one of the celebrity judges. The judge she drew is a man named Perez Hilton. Hilton is openly homosexual, and is famous as a gossip columnist, though he does not write for any paper. He created a blog (weblog) where he gossips, and “outs” homosexual celebrities. He is a very controversial character, and it is surprising that he was recruited to judge the competition.

Hilton’s question and Miss California’s (Carrie Prejean) answer follow here:

Q: Vermont recently became the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?

A: “Well I think its great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you very much.”

Continue reading “In The News: Miss California and Marriage” →

Guest speaker Dennis Scroggins establishes from scripture that God hates divorce, and intends for a marriage to last for a lifetime. One man, one woman, for a lifetime is the teaching of scripture. We need to emphasize this rule in our preaching.

Lesson 8 of 9 in Gospel Meeting Series

Sermon PowerPoint: Click Here .

Sermon Audio: Click Here .

AOTS Number 40

The greatest impact upon your life here on earth (and maybe eternity) will be found in the decision made as to who you will marry.

To listen to this Podcast, click here .

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“Then Peter said, ‘See, we have left all and followed You.’ 29 So He said to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, 30 who shall not receive many times more in this present time, and in the age to come eternal life’” (Luke 18:28-30).

A few months ago we examined the position that Luke 18 gives a rationale for a person to divorce their mate, “for the sake of the kingdom of God,” without sin. The article dealt not only with the context of the passage, but also the greater context of scripture, and concluded that the position is without merit. Jesus said in Matthew 5:32, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except for sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” The text clearly reveals a single reason for which a man or woman may put away their spouse. To appeal to a passage where divorce is not contextually found in an attempt to explain away the plain import of another passage is, at best, poor hermeneutics, and is a common tactic of those who twist the scriptures to fit their pet theories.

Continue reading “Luke 18 Revisited” →

In a decision likely to stoke the contentious election-year debate over same-sex marriage, the New Jersey Supreme Court has ruled that state lawmakers must provide the rights and benefits of marriage to gay and lesbian couples.

The high court on Wednesday gave legislators six months to either change state marriage laws to include same-sex couples, or come up with another mechanism, such as civil unions, that would provide the same protections and benefits.

The court’s vote was 4-to-3. But the ruling was more strongly in favor of same-sex marriage than that split would indicate. The three dissenting justices argued the court should have extended full marriage rights to homosexuals, without kicking the issue back to legislators…

…Opponents of same-sex marriage contend the New Jersey decision could have a national impact because the state imposes no residency requirements for people seeking marriage. In essence, it could open the door for gay and lesbian couples from other states to marry in New Jersey and challenge laws against same-sex marriage in their own states.

The gay marriage debate intensified in 2004 when Massachusetts became the first and only state to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. The state does not allow nonresidents to marry there, however.

Rose Arce, CNN

Analysis:

We have time and again shown that the scriptures reveal homosexuality to be a sin and an abomination before God (cf. Levitcus 18:22; 20:13; Rom. 1:26-28).

We have likewise pointed out that it is God, who established the marriage union, who defines its constituent parts. If God said that a “man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), then He defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman. Whatever men say does not change what marriage truly is.

What I may not have emphasized is how sad it is for individuals to define themselves and their lives by their sexual preferences. I can understand someone identifying themselves as a Christian, a parent, an American, or even by their ethnicity. What I can’t understand is defining oneself by their sexual activity. It is a strong indication of just how perverted and obsessed such individuals have become. When someone calls himself an alcoholic it is because alcohol has taken control, likewise a drug addict, glutton or adulterer. When an individual identifies himself as a homosexual, he is not describing a lifestyle, but a sexual act. Truly God has given “them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness…” (Rom. 1:28-29).

WASHINGTON – President Bush and congressional Republicans are aiming the political spotlight this week on efforts to ban gay marriage, with events at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue – all for a constitutional amendment with scant chance of passage but wide appeal among social conservatives.

“Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society,” Bush said in his weekly radio address. “Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all.”

Continue reading “Gay Marriage Ban Destined To Fail” →

In a spirited debate that touched on topics ranging from slavery to the Progressive Era in American politics, supporters of same-sex marriage yesterday urged the state’s highest court to disqualify a controversial ballot question to ban gay matrimony starting in 2008.

A lawyer for Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders argued before the Supreme Judicial Court that Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly, in approving the ballot question, flouted a provision in the state constitution that blocks citizen-generated questions seeking the ”reversal of a judicial decision.” The SJC legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts in November 2003.

Continue reading “Ballot to Ban Gay Marriage Debated” →

This sermon was preached to the West Side congregation to explain why the elders determined to cease monetary support of brother Bobby Holmes. The elders, together with brother Stan Cox had studied on several occasions with brother Holmes, differed with him regarding his teaching of divorce, and asked brother Cox to address the subject, and explain the events which led to the ending of his support. The sermon is, in part, an examination of brother Holmes’ teaching on the subject.

Sermon PowerPoint: Click Here .

Sermon Audio: Click Here .

Texans voted Tuesday to make same-sex marriages and civil unions unconstitutional.

The highly contested and controversial constitutional amendment defining a marriage in Texas as a union solely between one man and one woman passed by 76 percent, as of press time Tuesday.

Previously, gay marriages were outlawed in Texas, but the law granted judges discretion to allow civil unions.

“The passage of this amendment reaffirms the will of the mainstream Texans and protects the sanctity of marriage from activist judges who might seek to redefine it,” said state Sen. Todd Staples in a statement.

Staples, R-Palestine, sponsored the bill authored by state Rep. Warren Chisum, R-Pampa.

Chisum said he was thrilled but not surprised that the proposition passed.

“We’ve always been a conservative state that values family, and this just proves it in spades,” Chisum said. “You put the proper issue out there, and people will show up [to vote].”

Every state except for Massachusetts outlaws gay marriage. Texas became the 18th state to write a same-sex marriage ban into its constitution Tuesday.

By Marjon Rostami
The Daily Texan (Online)

Analysis:

It is gratifying that most Texans, at least, believe that marriage, by definition, is a “union solely between one man and one woman.” The amendment to the state constitution gives some protection, for now, to the institution of marriage in our state.

Continue reading “Texas Passes Proposition 2” →

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).

“And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-24).

These two verses show that men and women were created by God. Further, the relationship that resulted from the creation of the two genders is likewise instituted by God. Jesus said, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

The institution of marriage is under direct attack in our time. The sanctity and duration of the relationship is not recognized. The nature of marriage, a joining of a man and woman for a lifetime, is being redefined in some quarters. The role and responsibilities of the man and the woman are being redefined, distorted and confused. Children are often raised without proper instruction and guidance. The damage being done to this social institution is having a direct and deleterious effect upon the welfare of our nation.

The last 50 years have seen marked increases in juvenile delinquency, discipline problems in the schools, crime, sexual diseases, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, drug use and a dependence upon the government in what has become a welfare state.

In response to these problems, Americans have turned to the government, with largely unsuccessful and unsatisfying results. Taxes have increased, but the programs have had little effect as the problems continue to grow. It has gotten to the point that many have changed strategy, and now do not expect to find any solutions to society’s problems. Rather, they claim such misery is inevitable, and simply ask the government to doctor the “symptoms”, believing a cure to be impossible.

So, teachers have become wardens rather than instructors, governmental programs have been started to give away sexual prophylactics because ‘they’re going to do it anyway.” Sterile needles and a movement to legalize marijuana is the mantra of surrender in the “war against drugs.” Midnight basketball is found in the inner cities in an attempt to keep at least some kids away from crime and drugs. Though children must have parental consent to get a tooth pulled, a young girl can go to an abortion clinic and murder her unborn baby, while the government protects her “privacy” even from her own parents.

What is obvious in all of this is that the government does not have the answer, and our society must look elsewhere to find the cure for what ails us. The problem is not that a cure is not available, it is that families are not willing to take the “medicine” that God provides.

The Christian Home

A stark contrast can be seen between such troubled homes and those that are following the pattern supplied by God in his will. There are families which exist where the man is the head of the home, his wife is a homemaker, and the children are obedient and in subjection to their parents. The fact that these homes exist shows that it is possible to avoid the societal problems that are the rule in our time. The family must simply be willing to follow God’s plan rather than the wisdom of men.

The key in all of this is the decision a family must make to put God first. This decision most often comes from the head of the home, the man. The godly man will say as Joshua did, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). But, even in cases where the man is not the spiritual head he should be, the wife still has the responsibility to influence her children in godliness and virtue. In so doing, Peter taught that the possibility exists for her husband to become obedient due to her righteous example. “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Regardless, a husband cannot be a good husband unless he is a faithful, dedicated Christian. Some may object to this assessment, but it is true. God demands that the man be the spiritual head. If he is not, he is abdicating his place with regard to the single most important responsibility he has to his family. Likewise the woman has to be spiritually minded. Her submission to her husband, and her daily instructions to her children are perhaps the single most important ingredient to a righteous home. Finally, children must be obedient to God first. Paul said, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Proper allegiance to parents is inextricably tied to allegiance to God.

God First

As in all other relationships, God has to be first in the home. Our very purpose in life is to serve him, and we cannot be truly successful in any area unless we are righteous before him. This is the solution to our problems. If God is first in the home, the societal problems we see now will go away. “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man’s all” (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

Since the relationship between an husband and wife is a partnership, it is not surprising that many of the responsibilities each have may be identical. For example, just as the husband is to be selfless, affectionate and kind to his wife, the wife should be the same to her husband.

Paul told Titus in Titus 2:1-10 to give instructions to certain of the brethren in the church. To the older women he charged a responsibility to teach the younger women. They were to admonish them to “love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (vs. 4-5). This verse can be used as a template for discussing certain responsibilities peculiar to the wife.

The Godly Wife

The woman who is pleasing God with regard to her familial obligations is characterized by several important attributes.

Love (Philandros, Philoteknos). The love that is enjoined upon the wife by the apostle here is a different kind of love than that mentioned in Ephesians 5 as the man’s responsibility to his wife. Where that love (agape) had no specific reference to affection, and dealt with the responsibility of the man to treat his wife correctly, in this text affection is the primary thrust. The woman should have an affectionate love for her husband and her children.

The term philandros literally means “fond of man”; philoteknos likewise means “fond of children.” This is the only time these terms are found in the New Testament. The key here is the root philos, which indicates fondness or friendliness, and has reference to the tender feelings that a woman is to have toward her husband and children. The happiness a wife can bring to her home with such tenderness is so important in the lifetime commitment of marriage.

Below is a poem written by an elderly man as he looks back upon the tender love he received from his wife in their life together.

Embers

Warm by the fading embers of my dreams,
Which lived as lively fires long ago.
Still they comfort as though kindled yesterday,
I stir them gently, ever gently in my heart.

You are part of every ember which still warms,
And your glow is how I live from day to day.
I close my eyes and gently then I see,
All the years and years of embers warming me.

I carefully tend my thoughts of what has been,
They are but a feel of the life I’ve yet to know.
You have warmed my life and spirit constantly,
I’ve been gifted by your love surrounding me.

Roger E. Honzik

The final line of the poem is especially suitable for our study. “You have warmed my life and spirit constantly, I’ve been gifted by your love surrounding me.” This is the type of love a wife should have for her husband.

• Discreet and Chaste. The term discreet is a slightly different form of the same term found in verse four when the older women are told to admonish the younger women to be “sober”. Being discreet, or sober, indicates a woman who is in control of her emotions and actions. She has a sound mind, and is not given to excess. She will not embarrass her family.

• Chaste (hagnos) is defined by Vines’ as “pure from carnality, modest.” Happy is the man whose attraction to his wife is primarily to her character and personality rather than her physical attributes. A person’s looks have nothing to do with their character and righteousness. A godly woman is one who influences her husband by “your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward; arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel; rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Peter 3:2-4).

• Homemakers. It is an unfortunate aspect of our society that a woman whose primary work is making a home is looked upon as less valuable or accomplished. This is completely untrue. While it is true that a woman can work outside of the home (see Proverbs 31), no woman can do so righteously if she neglects her home. Too often this is happening, even in the church. All women must understand that if they are entering into a marriage relationship, it will be their responsibility to be the homemaker. The work is given them by God.

• Good. Actually, the term is more accurately rendered “kind”. There is an old saying that you find from time to time on refrigerator magnets and the like. “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” It is the wife who is the emotional control in the home. If she is kind to her husband and children, the home will happy. A strident, sharp tongued woman can cause tremendous distress. “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Proverbs 25:24).

Conclusion

A wife has much incentive to be the type of woman described above. She will please her God by having this character. Too, this type of woman is loved by her family. “Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all'” (Proverbs 31:28-29).

As Joshua addressed the people on the eve of his death, after they had occupied the promised land, he made a statement which clearly shows the influence of a man as the head of his own house. He said, “And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

Joshua’s proclamation was a challenge to all of Israel, and indicates that a nation’s well being is largely attributable to the leadership of the home. As the head of the home, the primary responsibility of the Husband/Father can be summarized in this way. He determines by the force of his will, his good example, and his love for God and family, that his home will serve God. It can rightly be stated that any man who does not make it his primary goal to have a God fearing and obedient family will fail in his responsibilities to them.

Though the world is not comfortable in expressing the need for the man to head his home in this way, the godly wife will welcome it. She understands her need to submit to her man’s position as head of the home, and welcomes his careful and resolute determination to lead his family in the way of righteousness. “In the way of righteousness is life, And in its pathway there is no death” (Proverbs 12:28).

Regarding the husband’s treatment of his wife, Peter wrote, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). The idea of the understanding and honor due the wife is indicative of her worth to her husband. A husband is to treat her in accord with the moral standard to which God has obligated him. He is to recognize her as physically delicate, and as an equally deserving spiritual being. As such, his behavior toward her is to be gracious and gentle. The abuse, both physical and verbal, that many wives suffer is the shameful behavior of men who are failures in the sight of God.

The Godly Husband

The man who is pleasing God with regard to his familial obligations is characterized by several important attributes.

• Selflessness. The entire concept of love (the agape kind) necessitates selflessness. Love, “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Rather than seeking his own welfare, the godly husband is concerned with the welfare of his wife and children. He is willing to sacrifice that they may prosper, even to the giving of his own life. In fact, the picture of Christ’s sacrifice for the church is the standard to which God calls the man. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her“ (Ephesians 5:25).

• Kindness. The treatment of Ruth by Boaz is a beautiful picture of great kindness. Boaz treated her with great respect and deference when he first met her, and behaved honorably in taking her to be his wife. He was aware of her great sacrifice in staying with Naomi, and said to her, “The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge” (Ruth 2:12). Not only did he take care of her physical needs in allowing her to glean “even among the sheaves”, but he also delighted to take her as his wife, and fulfill his duty as a relative of Judah. Such kindness is to be emulated by the husband to his wife.

• Affection. The Love song between the Beloved and the Shulamite expresses the appropriate affection that a man should have for his wife. The intimacy between them permeates his words to her, “You have ravished my heart, My sister, my spouse; You have ravished my heart With one look of your eyes, With one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love, And the scent of your perfumes Than all spices!” (Song of Solomon 4:9-10). It is significant that the Beloved expresses his love for her. It is not enough to love, the expression of affection is greatly needed by the weaker vessel.

• Courage. Finally, the husband and father must be virtuous! This is the sentiment expressed by Joshua in his address to Israel when he said, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). The ungodliness of the world clamors for compromise and conformity. It takes strong leadership for a family to remain pure in the face of such unrighteousness. The courage of conviction steels the godly husband and father to stand for what is right in the face of opposition. He will not allow his sons to be carried away by false teaching (cf. Titus 2:6-8); he will not allow his daughters to sully their reputation by immodest dress (cf. 1 Timothy 2:9-10); and his headship is not burdensome to his precious wife (cf. Ephesians 5:28-29).

Conclusion

The godly husband puts his family, and especially his wife, before all save God Himself. He especially elevates the needs of his family above his own. His position of authority and headship carries with it the potential for abuse, and he is ever cognizant of his great responsibility before God. He adores his family, but does not let his affection for them cloud his good judgment as he cares and provides for them. May God supply men such as this in all our Christian homes!