Category: Marriage

As Joshua addressed the people on the eve of his death, after they had occupied the promised land, he made a statement which clearly shows the influence of a man as the head of his own house. He said, “And if it seems evil to you to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15).

Joshua’s proclamation was a challenge to all of Israel, and indicates that a nation’s well being is largely attributable to the leadership of the home. As the head of the home, the primary responsibility of the Husband/Father can be summarized in this way. He determines by the force of his will, his good example, and his love for God and family, that his home will serve God. It can rightly be stated that any man who does not make it his primary goal to have a God fearing and obedient family will fail in his responsibilities to them.

Though the world is not comfortable in expressing the need for the man to head his home in this way, the godly wife will welcome it. She understands her need to submit to her man’s position as head of the home, and welcomes his careful and resolute determination to lead his family in the way of righteousness. “In the way of righteousness is life, And in its pathway there is no death” (Proverbs 12:28).

Regarding the husband’s treatment of his wife, Peter wrote, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). The idea of the understanding and honor due the wife is indicative of her worth to her husband. A husband is to treat her in accord with the moral standard to which God has obligated him. He is to recognize her as physically delicate, and as an equally deserving spiritual being. As such, his behavior toward her is to be gracious and gentle. The abuse, both physical and verbal, that many wives suffer is the shameful behavior of men who are failures in the sight of God.

The Godly Husband

The man who is pleasing God with regard to his familial obligations is characterized by several important attributes.

• Selflessness. The entire concept of love (the agape kind) necessitates selflessness. Love, “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Rather than seeking his own welfare, the godly husband is concerned with the welfare of his wife and children. He is willing to sacrifice that they may prosper, even to the giving of his own life. In fact, the picture of Christ’s sacrifice for the church is the standard to which God calls the man. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her“ (Ephesians 5:25).

• Kindness. The treatment of Ruth by Boaz is a beautiful picture of great kindness. Boaz treated her with great respect and deference when he first met her, and behaved honorably in taking her to be his wife. He was aware of her great sacrifice in staying with Naomi, and said to her, “The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge” (Ruth 2:12). Not only did he take care of her physical needs in allowing her to glean “even among the sheaves”, but he also delighted to take her as his wife, and fulfill his duty as a relative of Judah. Such kindness is to be emulated by the husband to his wife.

• Affection. The Love song between the Beloved and the Shulamite expresses the appropriate affection that a man should have for his wife. The intimacy between them permeates his words to her, “You have ravished my heart, My sister, my spouse; You have ravished my heart With one look of your eyes, With one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love, And the scent of your perfumes Than all spices!” (Song of Solomon 4:9-10). It is significant that the Beloved expresses his love for her. It is not enough to love, the expression of affection is greatly needed by the weaker vessel.

• Courage. Finally, the husband and father must be virtuous! This is the sentiment expressed by Joshua in his address to Israel when he said, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Joshua 24:15). The ungodliness of the world clamors for compromise and conformity. It takes strong leadership for a family to remain pure in the face of such unrighteousness. The courage of conviction steels the godly husband and father to stand for what is right in the face of opposition. He will not allow his sons to be carried away by false teaching (cf. Titus 2:6-8); he will not allow his daughters to sully their reputation by immodest dress (cf. 1 Timothy 2:9-10); and his headship is not burdensome to his precious wife (cf. Ephesians 5:28-29).

Conclusion

The godly husband puts his family, and especially his wife, before all save God Himself. He especially elevates the needs of his family above his own. His position of authority and headship carries with it the potential for abuse, and he is ever cognizant of his great responsibility before God. He adores his family, but does not let his affection for them cloud his good judgment as he cares and provides for them. May God supply men such as this in all our Christian homes!

Southern Baptists, at their 1998 convention in Salt Lake City, adopted an addition to their statement of faith, which states:

“…A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He has the God-given responsibility to provide for, to protect and to lead his family. A wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”

Those who are familiar with the fifth chapter of Ephesians recognize this statement as a simple paraphrase of the Apostle’s words. Paul wrote, “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (vs. 24-25). What is amazing is the response of many to the adoption of the phrase. It indicates how distorted a view our world has to the concept of submission, and to the marriage relationship as designed by God. Note the following:

Robert Parham, the executive director of the independent Baptist Center for Ethics, said, “They’ve made June Cleaver the Biblical model for motherhood.”

Robert Bock, pastor of the First Christian Church of North Hollywood said that the Baptist passage, “disregards 2,000 years of evolution of faith and the roles people have grown into.”

The Rt. Rev. John Shelby Spong, the Episcopal bishop of Newark, New Jersey, was even more scathing in his appraisal. “The Bible also says the earth is flat, epilepsy is caused by demon possession, slavery is a legitimate institution, women are the property of men and God orders the people of Israel to go to war and kill every man, woman and child from the nation of Amalekite.”

N.O.W. President Patricia Ireland said the resolution could be interpreted to offer “not just an excuse, but a grant of permission” to a man to abuse his wife.

While it is not surprising that Ireland would react as she did, seeing that she is a leader of the feminist movement in our society, it is disturbing to think that individuals who claim to be followers of Christ would be so virulently opposed to the concept of a woman’s submission to her husband. If we reject the concept of submission in the marriage relationship, we are arguing with God rather than man.

A simple reading of Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians (chapter 5) establishes the two most fundamental responsibilities God has given to each individual in marriage. In the remainder of this article, let us consider them briefly.

Husbands, Love Your Wives

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (vs. 25)… “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (vs. 28)… “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself” (vs. 33).

The greek term, agape, which is translated “love” in this text has reference to moral obligation. Though a husband obviously has tender feelings for his wife, the emphasis here is in his treatment of her. No man can claim to be loving his wife if he has not placed her interests before his own. His primary responsibility in the relationship is to actively seek her welfare. His failure in this is the primary reason why women have suffered so much throughout the history of mankind.

Husbands should consider the Apostle Paul’s description of love in his epistle to the Corinthians. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor. 13:4-7). If a man’s treatment of his wife is not the same in type to Christ’s treatment of the church, it cannot be said that he is obeying this command of God.

Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (vs. 22-24).

The concept of submission is an important aspect of each facet of a Christian’s life. It characterizes his relationship to his God, his government, his elders, his parents, and even to his relationship with other Christians. “submitting to one another in the fear of God” (cf. Eph. 5:21).

Someone has to be the head of the home, and God has given that position to the husband. He is the head because of creation (cf. 1 Cor. 11:8-10). He is the head, ultimately, because God has given him that place in the home. Christian women have no right to question the place given to them in the home. Their place is not in any way an indication of inferiority, rather it is a simple statement of position. Just as one’s submission to the governing authority does not indicate an inferior person, submission in the home does not indicate inferiority in person (cf. Gal. 3:28-29).

Husbands, love your wives… Wives, submit to your husbands. You must, for your God demands it!

In Genesis chapter two, history records God’s words regarding the partnership of men and women. “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him'” (vs. 18). In commenting on that partnership, the inspired writer records, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (vs. 24). Jesus, commenting on this passage of scripture, said, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).

These passages describe the divine origin of the marriage relationship, and express its sensible design. Despite man’s attempts over the years to modify the parameters of the marriage relationship, the principle established by scripture of one man for one woman for a lifetime will remain the foundation of humankind’s existence. Assaults upon the foundation of the home invariably have a deleterious effect upon societies, and have even contributed to the decline and fall of nations.

It is important for us to know the purpose and design of the marriage relationship, to keep this institution strong. A strong home leads to a strong nation, and more importantly, a strong church.

The Purpose of Marriage

Simply put, the marriage relationship affords a stable environment in which to raise children. Now, this does not invalidate childless homes, but it does recognize that God designed the husband/wife relationship to be the building block of society. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:27-28). The husband/wife relationship is the most intimate in life, and in it alone is sexual activity appropriate and acceptable. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).

The Design of Marriage

As the primary purpose of the marriage relationship is to “be fruitful and multiply”, the relationship must be defined in sexual terms. Again, this does not mean that sexual activity is the only important thing between a husband and wife; much to the contrary; but it does indicate that in marriage alone is sexual activity acceptable (see Heb. 13:4 above).

Three things become immediately apparent as we recognize the sexual aspects of the marriage relationship. First, that marriage, by definition, is a relationship between a man and a woman. Setting aside the condemnation of homosexuality which is so common to scripture (cf. Romans 1:28-32), the purpose of the home is to procreate. This is impossible in a homosexual marriage, and is unnatural. Men may seek to change marriage, but God from the beginning said, “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (cf. Genesis 2:24).

Second, the obligation of sexual activity is found in the marriage relationship. So often the emphasis is placed upon the prohibition of sex outside of marriage, that there is a neglect in teaching the obligation of the individual within the marriage relationship. Paul did not neglect to teach on this delicate subject, and said in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” The sexual drive is so strong that specific instruction is given by the apostle to the obligation, (before God), which each spouse has to the other.

Third, sexual immorality is a horrible sin, and sufficient to destroy the marriage bond. Paul said, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Jesus indicated that sexual immorality, (i.e. fornication), is the sole scriptural cause for an individual to divorce his or her spouse. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Sexual immorality is so destructive to the marriage bond that Jesus allows the dissolution of the bond in such cases. Any other “cause”, coupled with remarriage, is unacceptable to Him.

Conclusion

While the husband/wife relationship is not exclusively defined by its sexual aspect, that is what makes it unique. Sex is a blessed privilege and obligation in that union, but is unacceptable in any other context. Men have largely rejected these facts, but the future welfare of our society is dependent upon our acceptance of this truth.

The home was established by God at the dawn of time. It is the most ancient of all God ordained institutions. In his conversation with the Pharisees in Matthew 19, Jesus said:

“Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (verses 4-6).

Jesus’ reference to the Genesis account of God’s creative work, and his subsequent divine commentary on that event, establish two very important points for our consideration. First, the institution of marriage has a divine mandate. Second, the parameters of the institution, as ordained by God, include a lifetime commitment to the arrangement.

A Divine Institution

The most important consequence of the understanding that marriage has a divine origin is that the design of marriage is not open to human modification. On December 20, 1999 the Vermont State Supreme Court ruled that it violated their state constitution to deny marriage licenses to same-sex couples in the state. Previous to this landmark decision, Gay and Lesbian lobbyists applied pressure to have their “unions” recognized as legal marriages. National politicians resisted the efforts, and responded by passing the “Defense of Marriage Bill”, which President Clinton passed into law in September of 1996. The measure limits the definition of marriage to those unions consisting to two individuals who are sexually opposite. However, many legal scholars believe this bill to be unconstitutional, and the jury is still out as to whether homosexual marriages will be given legal standing in the country.

While some men seek to redefine the parameters of the marriage relationship, it should be understood that such efforts constitute a usurping of authority. God designed marriage, and he defined marriage in the following way: “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). The woman was created to complete the man. She is not identical to him, but rather supplements him with her own unique characteristics (cf. Genesis 2:18). As the two combine, a synergism is created. (Synergism – cooperative action of discrete agencies such that the total effect is greater than the sum of the effects taken independently. Websters). Obviously, this effect is not possible in any same-sex union.

Other departures from God’s design, though not legal distortions, are nevertheless destructive to the institution. For example, some seek to destroy or modify the roles God has given to the man and woman in the marriage relationship. In Ephesians 5, Paul gave instructions to the wife, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (verses 22-24). Some wives, perhaps from confusion, perhaps rebellion, are not in proper subjection to their husbands.

Likewise, Peter has instructions for the husbands, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). One obvious reason why women in our society have left their roles in the home is because of the mistreatment they have received from their husbands. The role of headship contains great responsibility. Too many men are not giving their wives proper respect and honor. They are selfish in their own desires and care too little for the precious partner they have chosen for life.

Unfortunately, such distortion of marriage has even influenced Christian homes. Christian husbands and wives need to carefully consider God’s requirements of them in marriage.

The Duration of Marriage

A final departure from God’s marriage design is seen in the proliferation of divorces in our society. Jesus, in indicating the divine nature of the marriage contract, said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 9:6). The prophet Malachi clearly stated God’s attitude toward divorce, “‘For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence’, says the LORD of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously'” (Malachi 2:16).

In contrast to God’s design, society, and even many brethren have rebelliously clamored for the right to divorce and remarry. Societal pressures have led the government to establish “no-fault” divorce laws. A summary of California divorce law found at the California State Library web site states the following:

“Three years after Governor Brown (Edmund Brown, 1966) urged reforming California’s fault-based divorce law, Governor Ronald Reagan signed the Family Law Act of 1969 into law, making California the first no-fault divorce state in the nation. Or, looked at by some in another way, ‘On September 5, 1969, with a stroke of his pen, California governor Ronald Reagan wiped out the moral basis for marriage in America.’ Since California’s historic divorce reform, every state has enacted some form of no-fault divorce.”

It is not surprising that brethren have been influenced by such ungodliness. Of course, rationalization is necessary for any who claim to love God, so abundant theories exist as to how one can “scripturally” get around God’s prohibition of divorce. Such theories ignore the plain truths established above. God hates divorce, and intends the contract between a man and woman in marriage to be a lifetime commitment. It is a directive we must obey!

God designed marriage. He defines the parameters of the institution, and man is bound to follow them. If man refuses, God will judge him for his sin. The world does not accept this… The Christian must!